The best and the worst in the land of the opinionated

Well, I had been avoiding posting (although I started writing several posts) because frankly I'm tired, have a to-do list a mile long and most of my thinking is consumed by either work or pregnancy.... and I thought people wouldn't be interested in reading about that.  But what do I know, maybe you do want to read about it, so here goes.

I have to say (and those of you who have been through this will chuckle in a minute) that pregnancy brings out the worst and best in people who interact with the pregnant person.  While at Lowe's I get offered multiple times not only help in finding something I need but also a: "would you like some water?"  At the MicroCenter when picking up some computer stuff for my DH that they can't seem to find, keep me waiting for an extra 20 minutes and perhaps I get a touch testy, the employee was super nice and even gave me a great discount for "all my troubles".  At the dry cleaner's I'm asked if I'm all set because I look like I'm going to burst "any minute", and when I explain that I still have a few more months to go I get asked if I'm having twins... let me just reassure you that we now have a new dry cleaner.

But the biggest thing I have found to be both the best and the worst of pregnancy is people giving me (and DH) advice.  If you are one of the people who fit in this category let me clarify.  I really appreciate and find it to be a good thing to get advice from people who know me, aka friends and family.  For example, someone I went to college with and is now a Facebook friend got me linked into Amazon Mom - this is good advice that I appreciate.  I also have no problem when someone tells me what worked for them in a non-pushy way as if saying: babies are all different, what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other and here is what worked for mine, in case you want some more info.

On the other hand, DH's physical therapist telling him that we need to have certain sleeping arrangements for the baby, in my book is what I consider not-such-great advice.  Why?  Because DH's physical therapist doesn't know us, he sees DH twice a month (for the past 8 months) and shares his words of wisdom without having a clue what DH and I are like, what our arrangements are, etc.  And this kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME.

At first, I thought this was just one of those things, you know, like weddings - pregnancy and babies brought out the "advice" giver in people.  But slowly, I started to realize that I haven't received unsolicited advice from people outside of Colorado.  People online or on the phone don't just offer it up, during our visit to Ohio no one had any pearls of wisdom to share and in Mexico City no tips were given.  People showed interest and asked questions but didn't volunteer their opinion.  So much interest was shown that while in Ohio we did contemplate getting a t-shirt that said something like "it's a girl, she's due first week of November, no we don't have a name yet and yes, it's our first".

You may think that my opinion on advice is a touch harsh but, have you ever lived in Colorado?  People here who you don't know from Adam feel they have the right, they are honor-bound, nay that it is their duty, to share and inform you on what is best for you, especially when it comes to pregnancy and a baby.  At first, I thought this was just a "me" thing, being hormonal and whatnot - I was just seeing people in an un-kind way.  However, a recent trip with a male colleague who is from Minnesota (but has lived in Colorado for 3+ years) further supported my position when he said "people in Colorado are too opinionated, and they always feel like they need to share, when I have kids, I hope we are no longer living in Colorado".  'Nough said!

I would love to hear your stories of what advice/opinions people gave you (or your DH) during this time in your life!

Just call me a fuddy-duddy

An adjective that I would normally not use to describe myself but, there are always firsts.  And here is why.  I grew up in a very traditional time in a traditional country... during my formative years I was taught to address everyone who was clearly "older" (I'd say 25 and up) in a couple different ways.

Don/Doña - which doesn't have a direct translation into English but it's essentially a title of courtesy proceeding a man/woman's first name, roughly translated into Lord/Lady - or if you grew up in the South it would be the equivalent of using Mrs. Mary, Mr. Robert or Miss Kathie before a given name as a sign of respect.

Tío/Tía - meaning Uncle/Aunt in Spanish.

Which "title" you were given varied on your relationship to my family (and my parent's choice).  If the person was a close friend of my parents, older cousin of my parents or grandparents, godparent, or the likes, they received the familial title - otherwise everyone else was relegated the more formal title.

Why do I bring this up?  Because it flabbergasts me repeatedly how children in the US are not given direction by their parents as to how to address their elders.  It chafes me to no end to have a 4 year old address me by my given name as though we were equals, but what else is the kid supposed to do other than revert to the "hey, you" or go with the name they hear the parents use?  Rarely have I had a parent "introduce" me to their child so that they know how to address me.  Occasionally, parents will introduce me as "title" Jenny but then fail to use it themselves when referring to me, thus confusing their child.  And while I am fine with adults addressing me by my given name I find it incredibly rude to have a child do so.  

I understand that many people find it okay to have their children refer to their elders by their first name, this is just not something that we see eye to eye on.  I don't believe having children be formal and giving respect verbally to an elder makes them a milquetoast child, but rather one who respects age and knowledge - plus I hope we teach our child that not every adult deserves respect but you should still address them accordingly. 

Also, I recently read an article on this matter.  Mom and Dad were divided, Mom wanting to not be a fuddy-duddy, and Dad being a traditionalist, and how they worked it out.  This led to a very short discussion on the matter with DH, luckily, we both agree in this area, even though he didn't grow up with such formality (but he has been listening to me b**** about it for many years).

Additionally, I was taught to finish most statements with sir or ma'am, an example of what would happen in our household growing up:

My mother (yelling from the opposite end of the house): JJJJJEEEEEENNNNNYYYYYY!!!!

Me (as I walked toward the end of the house she was in): Yes, ma'am? 

A couple of times I dared to answer back: What? 

To which the response from my mother was a  mixture of controlled fury and indignation: What did you just say?

Me: I mean, yes ma'am?

My mother: That's better...

Now, I don't entirely know if I will instill in our child to always use ma'am and sir with DH and I, but definitely with others.  Watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, you'll notice how he addresses elders and how polite it comes across, I love it!  (Clearly, this doesn't mean that if you haven't raised your child this way, your child isn't polite, I am just stating my preference.)  However, you can count on the fact that if you get introduced to our child it will be one of three ways: 

Miss/Ms/Mr First Name

Miss/Ms/Mr Last Name

Tío/Tía or Uncle/Aunt First Name

You are welcome to state your preference for what you would like to be called or we can assign you a title, but whatever happens please don't ever say to our child: "oh, just call me (insert given name here)" because you know that mixture of controlled fury and indignation I mentioned my mother having?  It happens to be a familial trait.  So, just let me be a fuddy-duddy, okay?

WHAT THE WHAT ......?

Okay, over the past several weeks I have tried and tried to figure out how to write this post and get it out of the way.  Most likely when I am done with this I will be dissatisfied but, what the heck, right?  For those of you who missed the news, DH and I are having a baby.  Yes, I admit I obtusely "announced" this on Facebook a few weeks ago through my twisted sense of humor and not everyone caught it, sorry I can't help myself!

And I apologize that I have not been keeping the blog current, at first I was tired ALL the time,  and randomly falling asleep (I still do this but not nearly as much).  I was so nauseous that the smell of the inside of our refrigerator was torture for me so I took a cooking hiatus for a couple of months, therefore no food posts.  And finally, what little brain power I had left was dedicated to keeping things together and trying to get work done.  Hopefully, I will be able to stay on top of things for a few months!

Oh! And if you have any questions (or you're just curious), feel free to ask - I will try to answer!

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies...

I lie.  Don't judge, cause you do it too.  Really.  We all do it, ALL the time.  Don't try denying it cause then you'd be lying.  We lie because it makes social interactions go smoothly.  We lie because we know that words can sting and hurt.  We lie because we want to make our friends and loved ones feel better.  We lie because we don't want to be rejected or punished.  We lie to save face, to avoid conflict, and to keep from rocking the boat.  We lie to avoid having to face an unpleasant truth about ourselves.  I mainly lie to not feel judged.  


When DH and I first starting dating we made a pact.  When you ask the other person "are you lying?" they must absolutely answer with the truth (so either yes or no).  These interactions go something like this:
     Me: Did you do x, y and z?
     DH: Mhm.
     Me: Are you lying?
     DH: Mhm.
     Me: Please go do x, y and z, ASAP.
You don't have to explain why you lied, you just have to tell the truth.  Sometimes, we answer with "maybe".  This is normally followed by an explanation like: yes, I am lying, but otherwise it'll spoil the surprise.  The other person will then let the issue go.  I don't know why but it has worked for 15 years.


This pact however, has not stopped me from lying to the rest of the world.  In the past few years I have tried to practice having honest relationships with people.  This can be really hard to do because it seems to me that people want to be lied to.  With some friends I can say something like: "I know we made plans but I'm really not up to it", I can explain to these friends why I don't want to do it and they don't judge.  I can say anything including: I'm just not in the mood, I just want to hang out on my couch by myself, I'm feeling grumpy cause I got in an argument with someone or I'm tired.  Most people don't want to hear this.  They want you to suck it up and put on a good face.  They think it's about them and take things personally, feelings get hurt and so on.


So, my solution to this is that I will now post the most common lies I use.  I hope you read it and know that when I use these I just might be lying to you.  Believing is your choice.  But know that I would instead rather have the relationship where I could just give you an honest answer and not have our relationship suffer because of it.


The lies I say the most:


1- I don't know.  This one buys me time to come up with a better way to respond with what you want to hear instead of just blurting whatever is on my mind and possibly hurting or upsetting you.
2- I didn't get the message.  Most likely I did get it and chose to ignore it for any number of reasons such as: I was in a bad mood, I didn't want to talk to you, I think you are an asshat and didn't care to help you out.
3-  Mmmmm, this (insert food product here that you prepared) was so good - yum!  Cause if we're honest, you don't want to hear that I didn't like it or that you did something wrong like forget to add salt, overcooked it, or any other number of things.  I am trying to not use this and instead just say something like: "thanks for sharing this, it was really nice of you to do", which it totally was nice of you to do!
4- I'm on my way.  And technically I am on my way, but just haven't made it as far on that way as you would expect/want.  Perhaps I'm just getting out of bed and heading towards the shower but hey, you are my eventual destination.  Don't judge.
5- I can't, I'm busy and I'd love to, but...  yeah, this means I wouldn't love to.  Normally, when I would really love to but can't I say something more like: "aw, crap/damn".  I'm also not busy, I just don't feel like it.  And of course I can, but I don't want to.
6- That's cute.  No, probably not; at least not to me.  But if you're asking me that's what you want to hear.  I really want to say that I don't like it but it doesn't matter because we don't have the same taste and if you like it that's all that matters but you don't want to hear that.
7- That makes sense/I get it.  Because if I don't follow I look like a moron, and this moron doesn't like to be judged for being a moron who doesn't follow what you're saying.


I would never lie.  I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation. - Fox Mulder

Personal Manifesto for 2012

Pepparkaka... which is to say Gingerbread in Swedish, although I agree it tastes like caca.

So, before I move forward with the obligatory New Year resolution post I have to tell you all about my Gingerbread Lane.  I had never made a gingerbread house in my life before so I absolutely had to do it this year and I thought it would be a lot more fun with some friends to sucker into this.  Cause adults decorating houses after drinking a little are way better at it than children have ever been.

I will confess that I started out with the idea that I would make the dough, and then the parts AND the icing as well since I was to provide the brick and mortar but I just didn't have time/gumption/desire, etc.  So I bought the houses already adorably made at IKEA and then bought the icing at my local supermarket's bakery.  Guests brought the decorations...

Getting all set up to start - notice the BIG bottle of wine a wonderful guest brought!

Getting started with the foundation

My very first Gingerbread House!

The wonderful friend who brought the wine, also drank it - said she was inspired by the neighborhood we work in, rrrriiiigggghhhhttttt, it had nothing to do with the wine.

The experienced Gingerbread House decorator

My first one!

Gingerbread Lane...

My house had to be relocated - for easy access.

For the insurance claim after disaster struck!

Tons of fun, will most likely become a yearly tradition for adult friends to hang out, relax, have a little wine, eat tons of candy and if time allows decorate a gingerbread house!

My dog is a pirate gangsta.

Our dog Aggie has a gazillion health issues.  He had cataracts in both eyes which led to blindness, a retina being detached, glaucoma and having his left eye removed = pirate.  

He is also allergic to the state of Colorado, meaning prairie grass, aspen trees, flea saliva and pretty much anything living so he has a ton of skin conditions which have led to the thinning of his fur.  DH thought it was hi-la-rious to buy Aggie a sweater that would help keep him warm in the style of a hoodie = gangsta.  

A couple of weeks ago the temperature in Denver was frigid, below freezing, single digits and teens which meant Aggie needed to wear his sweater, I was the recipient of several picture text messages which made me think of Coolio's Gangstas Paradise (it's okay to sing along)

"...As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left, 'cause I've been blasting and laughing so long that even my momma thinks that my mind has gone..."

Whatcha' doin', fool?

Thug life

Don't make me bust a cap in you...

Breakfast makes me sleepy

Trust me, these are all better than the other ones DH comes up with like: "you are just so cute, yes you arrgghhh!"  Aren't you happy I shared?