My dog is a pirate gangsta.

Our dog Aggie has a gazillion health issues.  He had cataracts in both eyes which led to blindness, a retina being detached, glaucoma and having his left eye removed = pirate.  

He is also allergic to the state of Colorado, meaning prairie grass, aspen trees, flea saliva and pretty much anything living so he has a ton of skin conditions which have led to the thinning of his fur.  DH thought it was hi-la-rious to buy Aggie a sweater that would help keep him warm in the style of a hoodie = gangsta.  

A couple of weeks ago the temperature in Denver was frigid, below freezing, single digits and teens which meant Aggie needed to wear his sweater, I was the recipient of several picture text messages which made me think of Coolio's Gangstas Paradise (it's okay to sing along)

"...As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left, 'cause I've been blasting and laughing so long that even my momma thinks that my mind has gone..."

Whatcha' doin', fool?

Thug life

Don't make me bust a cap in you...

Breakfast makes me sleepy

Trust me, these are all better than the other ones DH comes up with like: "you are just so cute, yes you arrgghhh!"  Aren't you happy I shared?

If you want me to, I do.

Have you heard that the 7 year itch has now become the 3 year itch?  Apparently, after 3 years people are bored and annoyed with each other - things like weight gain, toe-nail clippings on the bathroom floor and snoring are passion killers so I'm in trouble because I'm pretty sure I've done all three of those, although mine are cute and endearing snores... and love handles... but not the toe-nail clippings, those are just gross no matter what.  This is also the time when couples start taking each other for granted so let me spell it out for you:

Feeling annoyed/bored + Taking for Granted = Aw, crap!

How do you avoid this?  You don't really.  You remember that marriage like everything else in life ebbs and flows.  Sometimes you are going to be annoyed, you are going to take and be taken for granted, and times may be rough and tough, but you are also going to be charmed, marveled and loved.  And it isn't all on the other person - cause you aren't a slice of heaven either all the time, mmmm'kay?


But this doesn't really matter for my relationship because today is our 9th wedding anniversary (if you are keeping count, with dating that means a total of 15 years together) BOOYAH!!  How do we do it, you ask?  Hmmm, let me share with you my wisdom: I have no freaking clue!  I think it's because neither one of us is willing to give in and let the other person just be happy - kidding!  Also, I got lucky and DH just adores me no matter what (love handles and all), he really has so little freaking clue I just keep him so distracted he forgets to take any action but sometimes he realizes how little clue he has, conversation a couple of nights ago:


Me: Hello?!?! You are now supposed to reciprocate the compliment I just gave you. 
DH: Oh! Were you fishing for something here? Well, I'm sorry cause I just really suck at that game, I suck at being a fish.
Me: Really? How so?
DH: This is me, swimming along in the pond, totally clueless looking for something to eat: Hi worm! Mmmmm, I'm hungry... do you know where I could find some food, worm?
True story.

I really debated about what I should write for this post.  Should I do an open love letter to DH?  Should I impart words of wisdom from the lessons I have learned over the years?  Or should I just rub it in people's faces that we've made it this far?  Obviously, I had to go with the last one, cause I'm not a sage so no wisdom here (although I love to think I have some) and let's face it, if I'm going to get super mushy no one really needs to see/read that except the intended.  

Thanks honey - for all the years, the laughter and tears and to many, many more!

My house has so many decorations it looks like an elf pooped Xmas all over it... and maybe has diarrhea.

I know! A complete turn-around from last year's post!!! SO many things have changed!! I don't have the bah-humbug attitude this year but I also have a whole different relationship (if you can call it that) with my relatives.... my how things change in 12 freaking months!


I am almost done with decorating inside the house and have done most of the decorating on the outside as well, there is a strand of lights however that is just being an asshat and won't cooperate with the "vision" I have for the lights.  We have a completely decorated tree, garland and wreaths hanging at almost every window, stockings are hung, decorations on bookshelves and flower arrangements in every room.  I have gotten presents for a few special people, wrapped them and delivered most of them.  Our "happy new year" cards designed by yours truly have gone out to many but I'm not done yet.


The past couple of years I realized that we weren't being very good about incorporating traditions from both sides of the family so we have focused on bringing DH's Swedish heritage into the mix including ordering a pair of tomtar and going to Georgetown's Christmas Market to look for and purchase a yule goat because what says Christmas more than a yule goat, right?  The yule goat's job is to protect the presents, so we needed a big one - the cat did not get off on the right foot with this new creature under the tree who hindered her playing with ornaments and wrecking havoc but they seem to have made peace with each other.  The trip also gave us some outdoor festival fun that included wassail (which I will try to make at home and if so, recipe and post will follow), ribbon fries, a fried snickers bar and window shopping. 


If that weren't enough, I am having a Gingerbread House-making Party this upcoming Friday.  Thanks to Ikea for having convenient "brick" or gingerbread pieces and I will have to make the "mortar" or royal icing the day of.  Luckily guests are bringing all sorts of candies to decorate.


Finally, I am considering making some St. Lucia buns for Tuesday since it is after all St. Lucia day but it all depends on my mood and how productive I feel, if it happens I will make sure to blog about it with pictures included.

That's Norse the yule goat under the tree on the left.

What prompted this change you ask?  Well, not entirely sure but after Thanksgiving I was just in the spirit of things.  Life is in a better place that's for sure.  Things like my job have worked out in a positive way and I have an additional 10 hour a week part-time job that so far is proving to be a lot of fun.  We are both in pretty good health, physically and mentally.  You can also do a lot of growing in a year (although since our diet we have both shrunk physically - yahoo!).  We have a lot to be grateful and happy for.  Mostly, things just seem to be falling into place, after so very long of feeling like they were all lopsided or topsy-turvy they have started to balance out and how could that not make you feel festive and joyful? 


My hope for you is that your life is also happy, lived in good health and festive for this holiday season and if you feel like sharing, please tell me what gets you in the Christmas spirit!

When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.

Well, I've been bad keeping up with the blog because I've been better at just living and having fun.  When we last "met" I was going to do my first 5k at the Dirty Girl Mud Run and then headed to Costa Rica for work.  Here for your enjoyment are before and after pictures of Team Boobees (with one missing Boobee who had to do the run a little later)... just about everyone said they'd want to do it again next year, it was a ton of fun and we are always happy to take new recruits!  Thank you ladies for being game!

Shortly after all this, DH and I headed to Seattle, a colleague/friend who I like to call "Onion" and I were presenting at the National Immigrant Integration Conference and my boss came along for good measure.  As we were walking towards dinner one evening my boss said "the four of us are the start of a good joke: a Jew, a Mormon, a Catholic and a Lawyer walk into...". We got to explore Pike Place Market, the Gum Wall (no one added to it but we did dare each other to lick it), several restaurants and stores, the aquarium and Occupy Seattle, only because you couldn't miss it.  DH and I stayed an extra week to spend some time with our favorite extended family members The Rues, we celebrated both DH's birthday and Halloween in Seattle and also went off exploring on our own into Victoria where they also had an Occupy camp which seemed a lot better than the Seattle one and then Vancouver, by the way, Vancouver has the best sushi e-v-e-r!

Onion pretending to lick the Gum Wall

One of my favorite places in the world: The Rues backyard

DH and I on Halloween - we went to Battle of the Funk Bands!

What Canadian nature looks like, right smack in the middle of Vancouver.

When we returned our dogs acted as though we had abandoned them in the worst way possible, yes, it's horrible when you get to stay in your own home, sleep in your own bed, eat your home-made diet all with the company of a full time pet sitter, we are just terrible, terrible people.... as will be evidenced in a future post entitle something like: Our dog is a Pirate - Gangsta, complete with photos.  


Since then we celebrated my birthday (gracias for the many birthday wishes, one of the perks of Facebook, email, calls and texts) and Thanksgiving.  This year, has been my year to question things and try my best, no matter how uncomfortable to break out of the mold/rut/comfort zone - I mean I just posted a picture of me in a witch costume for Halloween, the last time I got dressed for Halloween was back in 19 - I don't know when, but hey, I did it.  So, this year we did not roast a the turkey, nooooo, we roasted a Turducken - gasp!  In years past, DH has always asked it we could cook the turkey in a new way, either deep fry it or make or a Turducken or something different... so this year it was the year of Turducken.  It was a pain in the a** but not for me, for DH who had to de-bone each bird... here are before and after pictures:

Splayed out for all to see - stuffing included

Had a hard time making it look like a turkey again but here it is

In all it's cooked glory: TA-DA!! Try not to look so jealous!

So, I have you mostly caught up now - posts to come on the upcoming holidays, our wedding anniversary and some miscellaneous stuff (how to be a good or bad house guest, the perils of Facebook, cooking and more), maybe if I say it here I will actually follow through with writing them, let's hope I keep up with my end of the bargain. 

Life is a marathon, not a sprint

This is what my boss said to me the last time things were really hectic at work.  In April, I was in the process of hosting a team from Costa Rica, running a 9Health Fair and preparing for a work trip to Costa Rica - all in a span of 72 hours.  Now, I've never run a marathon (and no plans to do that as of yet) but I know what a marathon is: an endurance race that tests and tries the body eventually taking it beyond its breaking point.


Well, never has that saying felt truer than since that day.  The last five and 1/2 months have been CRAZY.  Stuff has happened, stuff's gone down.  Let me see if I can organize it as clearly and concisely as possible - with the caveat that things in life happen simultaneously and there are constantly balls in the air that we are juggling so clear and concise may not be entirely possible.


Right before those crazy 72 hours in April, I had submitted to my employer a proposal to create a new position (mostly doing what I do now) and hire me for it because of the transition happening with my job.


I returned from Costa Rica, and decided to give up soda (like manna from heaven that I haven't tasted since -that's right people, what you are about to read has been handled caffeine free) and then mid-May started a diet, to wit: 25 lbs lost and counting.  During this time and until now, we all know that I fell from Grace and had to deal with our legal system.  


What you don't necessarily know is that I was also looking for a job and going on interviews because of the aforementioned transition - while also continuing to work at my current employment.  I've also been sick on and off with a couple of colds, a cyst that thankfully went away on its own but not before causing me tons of pain, extremely dry eyes due to which I couldn't get a current prescription for new contacts and also had to have my draining tear ducts 'plugged' up - literally, oh! and who can forget the root canal I had to have last week and the growth that was cut and burned off my big toe this week because well, life wasn't fun enough just yet!  


After the deal with the toe (I know TMI just be grateful I'm not posting a picture), I came home after work to find that our home had been broken-into.  Yep, broken-into.  Thankfully, Hailey, Zoey and Aggie were not hurt and are fine.  What was stolen?  Several things, most of them I'm sure replaceable (still figuring out what's missing) but among those was my work laptop - with 3 years of work on it.  Can you say UGH?!?!?!?  Also, our sense of security, safety and sanctuary for our home seems to be MIA.  What I gained?  ANGER and I'm on the precipice of completely losing it, holding on by a thread (although ask DH and I'm sure that point is be debatable) and desperately looking for perspective.  Because it doesn't end there folks, no, that would be too freaking easy.  I leave for Costa Rica on another work trip in 9 days and have tons of work to re-do and replace, thanks asshats who stole my laptop.  In 7 days I am completing my first 5k - which I hope will serve as catharsis and fun - lots of it.  Thanks to my wonderful Team Boobees for doing this with me - I love you all and we haven't even started yet!  


Oh wait!  Somewhere in there, like between the cyst and the dry eyes I got a job!  YES!! Okay, well kinda because my current employer has decided to keep me on as a permanent (non-grant funded) employee!!!  We still haven't figured out exactly what I will be doing although it will involve more of what I already do so I'm still in a little bit of limbo but it is great news!  See, not all of it was bad.  And it really hasn't been all bad.  DH and I had friends over for dinner and lunch throughout the summer to visit with, our friend Travis came and stayed with us for a little bit, DH and I lost weight, we've had a bounty of harvest from our garden, and we've had some interesting and fun adventures this summer and as I type Hailey is sleeping on my lap, purring and I can hear both Aggie and Zoey snoring not far from me.


See, this is why life is a marathon, because it requires us to endure until the end without quitting at any point before the finish line and without cutting corners.  This doesn't mean that we can't complete the marathon, one sprint at a time.  

Close encounters of the Law kind

I love lawyer shows.  My heart belongs to a lawyer.  I listen to law cases discussed all the time at least until my eyes glaze over and then I just pretend to listen.  I work with law enforcement day in and day out, I even have a few cops I would <gulp> call my friends... but I have never had to deal with the law until this summer, prepare yourself for: CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE LAW KIND - cue Wilhelm scream.

Okay, for those of you who don't know, I was in a little fender-bender in May where I grazed the car in front of me in order to avoid being rear-ended full on by an asshat in rush-hour traffic and creating a multiple car crash (because my car would have hit the one in front for sure).  This got me a ticket for "careless driving" which I was totally POed about because I was being careful trying to avoid a BIG accident.  I kept hearing from people, "you should have just let that car hit you, you could be avoiding all this mess" - and by mess they meant having to go to court because the ticket didn't give me a monetary amount that I could pay immediately (not that I would have).

My attorney (also know as DH - Dear Hubby) and I went to court.  My attorney thought I could explain the situation and plead down to something more reasonable, be happy and done with it.  But nooooooo, turns out the City Attorney we dealt with is a total bully and thought he would force me to pay with a different charge of "following to closely" (which I wasn't).  My attorney advised me to plead not guilty and stand up for myself.  At this point, half of me just wanted to make the mess go away but it was overpowered by the half that wanted to stand up to the bully so I went with counsel's advice.  The judge was so shocked she did a double take... yep, that's me, shocking judges since 2011.  I gotta tell you though, I felt super-duper important standing there speaking to the judge with my attorney slightly behind and to the left of me offering me advice like when the judge asked: jury or judge? My attorney whispered: jury. And then I answered like a puppet sans hand stuck up my body (for a more natural effect).  After that I went to see the clerk and set a date for my trial - fun times.

Two weeks later I get a jury summons.  I have somehow always been lucky enough to have gotten out of jury duty.  Could I have this time? Yes.  But I chose not to, I decided that if I was going to have a jury trial might as well understand the jury experience, right?  Let me just say that the difference between Arapahoe County (where I live) and Denver County (where I had my traffic thingy) is like ice cream and cake - both desserts, both sugary.... but nothing alike.  To begin with the courthouse in Arapahoe County is nice, it looks and smells clean, you can tell it is well cared for and the placing is actually welcoming... in Denver County the building makes you feel like you are up sh*t creek without a paddle right away with a slight smell of urine in certain corners.  Jury duty was interesting, it was fun listening to answers and thinking "you're not going to make the cut buddy", the judge I was assigned to was really nice, what I imagine I good judge to be like, overall a positive experience. Denver... not so much.


Two weeks before my trial asshat City Attorney adds some BS charge about changing lanes unsafely or something - ugh!  Night before my trial - I got to do what the pros call "prep" more like torture, but I do have new insight and appreciation for what DH does.  How did it end? My attorney has told me to answer: truth and justice prevailed.  My interpretation of that: stand up to bullies and you just might get to kick them in the nuts once in a while, like in this case!

Falling from Grace

It has been an 'interesting' few months... and by 'interesting' I really mean scary, sad, and uncomfortable.  Don't get me wrong, this hasn't been an ongoing and ever-present thing throughout the past few months but more of something like the Whack-an-Alligator game that you find at places like Dave & Busters where you whack the gator and it retreats but sure enough it comes right back out while speeding up.  It also hasn't been the only thing going on in my life, (more to come in future posts) so when the alligator attacks from the hiding hole it can exacerbate other irritants.  


What happened?  I fell from Grace.  What does that mean?  I fell out of favor with someone who can seem/feel God-like, at least to me.  How did that feel?  Scary, really scary.  Like I was taking a bungee jump with no bungee cord.  It meant consciously making a break from indoctrinated behavior, thought process and automatic response.  Sad, because I had chosen to ignore deplorable flaws as long as they didn't apply to me or affect me too much but now they can no longer be swept under the rug or hidden in the back room like we used to do to our 'touched' relatives.  And most of all uncomfortable, because falling from Grace meant hurting another in the process (not on purpose but inevitable), letting go of things I thought I knew and taking a big leap while trusting that the person I've become could do this.  All in all, let's just say wwwwwaaaaaayyyyy outside my comfort zone.


Falling from Grace has also meant awesome discoveries, like true and kind love, what having a tribe looks like, affirmation, confirmation and solidifying of affection/relationships, how to forgive myself and learning that I am strong enough to hold on to what I deem true and right... for me.  It has allowed me to grow as a person, I've learned to take the hit (although painful) instead of hitting back, and boy is it hard and tempting to hit back - I know that the alligator is hurting and therefore lashing out.  Could I hurt it some more by whacking it back?  Absolutely.  But I'm trying my best to resist even grabbing the mallet to avoid doing any further damage.


Unlike what we are taught by most religions, falling from Grace hasn't been a punishment, it has been a journey of discovery.  I have however willingly and conscientiously chosen to disobey and rebel by not conforming to the norm, I have chosen myself.